Hey Omaha!
Thank you for the patience and understanding as to why I have been away these past four months.
I tried summarizing my depression into one sappy paragraph. I attached a picture of my favorite modern poet, and I hit DELETE after contemplating the degree of personal and hurtful words in it. In a world full of terrible things, I want to spread positive content. Now, I am fully aware of my struggle, and I am slowly opening up about it; you all that visit this blog have read hard pieces that I have taken down since. I validate those feelings that I put into words,
but I gotta keep moving forward. That's what we're all here for.
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Halloween 2017
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Last year was rough. Y'all know I live for Halloween. I love playing dress up; it's an outlet to be someone else but me. I know, pathetic! But whatever. Not the point. As I was saying, last year was a roller coaster of emotions. Looking back, those experiences have become prime examples of what I need to either learn from or let go of.
I pushed myself to go with the flow. Express emotions on cue. Lay low and hype up accordingly. Halloween stands out because I was able to literally hide behind a mask, after doing it for so long only figuratively. Living through Billy The Puppet, Halloween was a success. I made it through the night in one piece and it was memorable. My husband even highlighted the fact that hadn't been for the mask, I would not have been acting the clown I was. That's who I really am, outgoing, eccentric, daring, uncensored. And it sucks that anxiety and depression get a hold of that real me, chain him up, and keep him locked up. Afraid. Expecting ridicule. Always on the lookout for the worst to happen.
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[ TODAY I SAY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ]
I refuse to take what my mind shoves down my throat.
I am not going to take it anymore.
I will dig my nails if I must to make my legs move forward.
There is so much to live for!
So much to do. Many books to read. Hours of music to dance to.
A plethora of memories to make with the people I love.
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