Monday, June 19, 2023

READ THIS FIRST...

**Disclaimer: 
The following posts tell a story of where I have been throughout the years. They tell you who I used to be, and if any of them offend you in any shape or form, please know that I am no longer that person; I have learned from my mistakes. And maybe I still keep some of the good things that came from these experiences. I just ask you to give me a chance and meet me now so you can understand (this blog and) where I came from.



  3. Safe Space.
  4. ONLY HUMAN.
  8. No Ragrets.



Remember: this Blog is to understand more about me,

Adrian X Fuentess.

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Hi Adrian; it's me, Anxiety.


As many of you may know by now, or not, I have this thing that keeps me from going out and doing my thang as anyone else normally would. It's called anxiety. I spoke to my doctor to help me find a solution as I did not want to rely on alcohol every time I wanted to be social. It is unhealthy and unsafe. Aside obvious said facts, I also wanted to find the root of the problem so I could reword the memory and find a better management skill. 

I am amongst the privileged to have insurance and attend to my mental health so I did.

It is an every day struggle dealing with the voices in my head. Even though I believe I have identified the moment when this all started, it is not an easy task to work it out and poof! it's gone. I wish it was that case.

This being said, please, as a friend, offer your undivided attention to your surroundings. Always be available for your friends. You never know who might need you to just be there. Sometimes that's just what one person needs, someone to be nearby. I know I've been there and I want you to know that I will be here for anyone that needs an ally. Always. Remember, it's okay to NOT be okay. It's okay to ask for help.





Here's a list, as a thank you and recognition to people that stood by my side and could have saved my life without them even realizing it. I don't have words to thank you enough.

In no specific order, except as chronologically as possible:

Jorge Martinez                                         Rusty Kilpatrick
Jose Manuel Ramirez                              Joseph Osborn
Juana Hernandez                                      Kevin Kilpatrick
Jonathan Marin                                        Gloria Rangel
Ivan Hernandez                                        Flor Lopez
Gustavo Garcia                                         Spencer Terry
Ulises Rojas                                             Andrea Cortes
Andres Caamano                                      Joshua Scholes
Veronica Sanchez                                     TJ Henderson
Mandy Corona                                           Jesus Rivera


And of course, my family, my husband, and our dogs.

I am lucky to have a great support system and I want to pay it forward.

[ ...Relax. Take it Easy. ]                                                          

Saturday, June 29, 2019

It's Okay: Be Gay.





Prom 2007:Mitch's Grad Party
 

  Anyone that knows Andy knows that we can count on her to ALWAYS have a fun time. Her lively spirit and contagious laughter brings you to life, and I am going to miss that. Now calm down, she is still with us --she just moved to California. For this and so much more, I am SO PROUD of her. 





HEY OMAHA! WHAT'S GOING ON?


WELCOME BACK 
&
HAPPY PRIDE!!!


     It's been awhile since last time I have posted, not that anyone cares or keeps tabs, but I am back! And this time is to stick around. That's the plan anyway. Let's take it one day at the time, as I always say. 

Okay, so as I type this, my dear Andy has made it and become an official California resident. You may ask why I am talking about Andy on my first post back to the blog. Well, as I hugged her goodbye (more like a 'I'll see you around') kind of hug, I realized how much I learned from Andy and how proud I am as a gay man, to work hard and always follow your dreams, and how much stronger I can become. I met her, I believe, back in late 2012, as a bank teller and my life has not been the same since. My (back then boyfriend and now) husband was obsessed from that same day he met her when she was waiting with me for him to pick me up. "I'm making sure he doesn't get raped," she told him, as I was standing by myself in the isolated and dark street. Our sense of humor just clicked. I was obsessed too. Life goes on and I tried to hang out as much as I could with her; any excuse I had and I was available, I tried to be there. When I couldn't be there, I felt incomplete and like I failed her. I guess it's true when they say that sometimes to someone you are the whole world; and that's Andy for me. The short time we've known each other, she's come to mean so much to me. And as I hugged her last weekend, I felt like a piece of my heart was torn.

BUT I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER AND SO PROUD OF HER!
So I'll avoid the tears as I am typing this and smile.

So this is why I am talking about Andy: as I get ready for Pride celebration, I will be thinking of her and how gay she is and how gay I am, and I will have a very gay time. 

Remember, peeps, Life goes on. Stay strong and keep on moving forward.
Think back and find your Andy in your friends. Find the Andy within yourself.

Sincerely,

A very gay writer.

      
White Trash 2019
                                                                     
 

Friday, September 21, 2018

Safe Space.

     Hey Omaha!
So in the past few days, I have repeatedly seen several statuses that state such person's house is always open if others ever need to talk. A great way to start a conversation about mental health! I love it, but I am going to be that person to remind you that 'people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care' and this entails selfless and genuine questions like 'how are you?' and really be attentive to what's not being said just as much as the response itself. I, as a person with anxiety and depression, cannot see myself calling for help. Most of these suicides happen because they did not reach out for help and we stay behind wondering why; we are perplexed at the fact that the person did not look like the type to do such thing. 'He was so happy!' is what irks me the most when a life is cut short. I am lucky to have an amazing support system that I can rely on. I am not in danger to myself. However, others aren't as fortunate. So let's be more outspoken about this.


When you are out with friends, put your phone down and enjoy of each other's company. Call them out! If they're having a hard time being out in social outings, you can catch it and address it. If they're simply on Facebook or checking their texts, ask if they need to be elsewhere; maybe they have a friend that needs them. Communication is key. I've learned this time and time again. Be straightforward and caring. That's the best way to handle this, I believe.
I am an open book. You can tell from my more personal (and very old) blog. It's all out there. In a way, I have been reach out for help, in a subtle way, and to write it out helped me find an outlet to the voices in my head. So if you are having a hard time and you're reading this, you're still here. Your friends mean well. SPEAK UP! The world still needs you. We are put in this Life for a reason, find it.
I know it's easier said than done. I am still in the process of reinventing myself. A newer and better version of me. It is a hard road, but well worth it putting the effort because you are worth it. It's hard to ask for help, but try. Push yourself to do something with someone whose company you enjoy. Surround yourself with the positive people in your life. Laughter is the best medicine and sharing a laugh with a friend is priceless. Please, give this some thought and next time you are having a bad day, reach out to this advice.

Oh, and one more thing,

[… Relax. Take it Easy.]

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Artists Chronicles 1




One of my main goals for this blog has been to bring to you the type of people making a difference in the community, and Nikolas Decker is just what I'd like the rest of his generation to be: dedicated, passionate, consistent, persistent, and their vision focused on their future.

    When I met The Sons of Rome, they told me about Nikolas whom at the time played the drums with Suburban Crisis. Later on, with social media being a big part, I learned that I definitely wanted to sit down with him and hear what he's about, and it is great to know that I can share the interview with you guys.

I was welcomed at the door by his mother, who handed me treats to give their dog to avoid any issues. Beautiful dog, by the way! We ended up going down the street to the park, since the day was sunny and nice to sit outside. We found a table a few feet away from the pool, and he waited patiently as I got the camera, my phone, and iPad ready; once I set up, we started from the beginning.



What does a booking agent do?
If I'm a booking agent and I want to throw a show, or have a band come out and play, I would contact the venue and see what dates they have open, then I'd contact the bands and see if they're available to play that day. Then I go back to the venue and say I want to have a show this day with this type of band, and they'll tell me if I need to do anything special for it; if not, I call up the bands and have them book the time for the show. I see if other bands can play along with them.

I've read that a booking agent is like a political campaign. Would you agree?
Yeah. I'd say it is very much like one. You gotta start somewhere for your campaign, find what you want, and what you want people to hear. In my case, I want people to have a great time and discovering new music. For instance, The Sons of Rome, Psycho Relay, and House Arrest as well just played their actual local show at a venue, where they got paid.

How do you choose the bands?
If a band comes to me and asks for a show, I set them up with the similar sounding bands; but if I just want a show with the type of sound that I listen to, then I book the bands that I like seeing a lot from Omaha. Or if a band already has band that they like to play with, then I ask them to play.

Do you have specific bands you represent or book often?
I usually book local Omaha bands because I don’t really know any bigger bands, and I don’t have the money to pay them to come out and play. But I really want to change that, other than that, it's just all the local Omaha bands, and whoever contacts me. The one that I've booked the most is Psycho Relay; they're really good friends of mine, and they've played at most of my shows, under various names because they can't choose a name (giggles). And also, my Dad's band.

How long have you been doing this?
I've been doing this for five months now, and I'm going to be on my fourth show. I can see myself doing this until I can't… I really enjoy it, although it's really stressful if a band can't play, and I need to find another band to replace them. But it's a great time when everything falls together on the day of the show.

Top three skills that a booking agent must have.
Time management. Also, knowing how to talk to people, how to get the word out. I know I can do this. I'll have my friend Rick Bennett helping me along the way. I have the time management down. I'm a straight A student. I can get it all done, and I'll have the contacts that I need for this.

You are also a musician. How do you manage being in two bands now AND booking shows?
I try to book show around practice days and my job; but when it doesn’t work, I take days off work and miss a practice if I have a show.

What turned you to Booking shows?
I've loved music for as long as I can remember; I've always been going to shows, and I just kind of realized that Omaha doesn't have any people who books shows -maybe three main people, and one big guy that books the big bands that come through. And I want to be one of them because they're getting older and they won't be able to do it for too much longer. So I thought might as well start doing it now, and getting my name out there so when I'm older I can start booking the bigger bands.

You're being trained to take over No Coast Booking. When are you going to be doing it alone?
We're actually talking about booking the first show with me and her, the owner Emma Reker. It's a non-profit; all the money goes straight to the bands so if I'm making flyers, it comes out of my pocket. So she's going to show me where to go, the best places to put flyers up, and everything else she does… She's known my dad for a while since she's been booking in Omaha, and my dad has always been in music. I started going to shows when I was little, and I really didn’t know her, I just knew she was a person that I saw at shows all the time. Then I started talking to her, I started going to her shows, and she booked my band, and started being friends because we have similar taste in music (laughs).

In this short time that you have been doing this, what's one thing that you weren't expecting?
I'd say bands dropping out at the last second. If they're not sure they're ready, I tell them to just go for it; it's punk-rock usually what I book so you know, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just do it! We have tons of punk bands, yeah, but they just don't get many shows or publicity; because Omaha's punk music scene isn't big, but we want to make it bigger and better.

Are you going to only book at the same venue?
I'll be booking with MAS, a collective group that wants to keep the music and arts going in Omaha. We’ll have slots for four shows a month; I'll be taking two shows and my friend Rick Bennett, who is A13 Booking, will be taking the other two show slots.

How do you approach a venue?
For The Lookout, since they don’t really charge a fee to book there, I just ask them what days they’re open for a show, but if they're minors that'll come, they usually take a percentage away for the alcohol sales that they're not selling. So it's not really paying them; you get to do it for free and make money doing it. I've made zero dollars because I don’t pay myself; all the money goes straight to the bands.

What do you expect from the bands that you book? And what would they expect from you?
I just expect them to be nice; to be nice to the crowd, not assholes, because if they're going to do that, I don’t want to book them again, and that will give me a bad reputation too. It hasn’t happened to me, and I hope it never does (laughter). And they can expect from me some good hospitality, I'm going to be nice to them. I want them to do what they have planned for the show, and have them contact me again if they want a show.

What challenges have you faced in this time you've been doing this?
Definitely time management.  And finding rides, because I don't drive, and what I have to do to get around for like, putting up flyers all around town. I pay my friends in gas money, I mean, I have a job, but I want to make sure I don’t spend much of it.

Do you ever make suggestions to the bands?
Yeah! That's being like a producer because I'm learning how to record also. So after the show, I give the bands suggestions like what they should do or can do. For instance, The Sons of Rome, when they play they need a little more energy; I see their drummer got it, he's doing it. And also their lead guitar player. But I see the bass player and the other guitar player…  and I'm like, jump around! Get some energy flowing! (laughs). Not sounding mean, or anything, but I'm talking about their performance.

I've interviewed The Sons of Rome before, and their opinion on covers was that new bands need somewhere to start. What’s your take on that issue?
I feel like people are there to discover new music; no one wants to hear what's always on the radio. I mean, covers, they're good, but I don't want to do cover band shows. I mean, one or two covers ok and the rest originals. Would I book cover bands? It depends on what kind of show I'm going for, or if there are other bands in the same genre, I'd let them play.

Growing up in this environment with your dad being a musician also, did this influence you to follow the same path?
I love my dad so much. I want to be just like him; like, the type of shoes that he has, I have them. The style of music he plays; I find that when I'm playing drums, I play like his type of beats and how he would change from different rhythms. He's just the coolest dad, he plays shows, he records music, he's in a band. He's the perfect role model for me.

What's your ultimate goal?
I want to have my own band, but if I was asked to be a band's manager, I would take it in a heartbeat because I get to do what I love, being in music, and help out my best friends play awesome shows.

Besides music, what else do you do for fun?
Pretty much music is everything I do (laughter). I do BMX, but not too much lately because I have school and I have to worry about music a lot more. So I have been vinyl collecting, writing music, hanging out with my friends, listening to music, playing music…

Speaking of music, what kind do you listen to, that people wouldn’t expect you to?
I really enjoy the newer pop-punk stuff. Not necessarily the band, but the sound of the music. I also enjoy ska and reggae, and the 20's style music, like swing…


I believe that our future needs more people like Nikolas, driven and perseverant; as adults, we need to raise our children to never give up on their dreams, to support them, and show them that they can achieve anything they set their mind to.
In the meantime, keep an eye out for Nikolas and support his events. You can look him up on Youtube for videos of his shows and drum playing, and of course, Facebook. Look up No Coast Book for all the shows that you might want to check out, and to book a show with him also. We'll be hearing more of him, I am sure.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

ONLY HUMAN.

     While I'm still on the high of meeting Calum Scott, I want to write this post regarding sexuality. Before I dig in, please follow this link to know Calum's background. Then come back and continue reading the post.  

Welcome back!

So as Calum was telling the background of his unreleased and most personal song, 'No Matter What', my husband caught on that Calum is gay. This was the theme of our conversation after the show. Should celebrities be open about their sexuality? Will it ruin their career? Fair question. I believe it not necessary, but knowing that a person with such a big platform can bring light to many issues that the LGBTQ community needs help with. We surely have support from heterosexual celebrities from decades (Lady Gaga, Dan Reynolds, Jason Mraz, Ed Sheeran, Macklemore, Shawn Mendez, Matt Nathanson, Ann Hathaway, Tori Spelling, Kesha, etc.), but one of us is even greater to know that they're not afraid to put it out there. No, they do not have to flaunt it, make a parade of it, but being public kind of 'normalize' it, I feel, and I hate to put it that way. 

 I yearn for the day when coming out is no longer a shocker; when saying, 'Im gay' is no longer necessary; when kids can talk about their significant others without using THEY as pronoun to avoid the S/HE. We have come a long way for sure and it gets better. So if you are in a safe place, help others be comfortable with themselves. We have enough hatred from other people, do not bully your own brother/sister that's still in the closet. You know, or luckily may not know, what it's like to be there.



Now, to end this post in a lighter note, allow me to tell you my Meet & Greet experience with Calum. I brought a sign for me to wave at him as he sang the cover that made him famous and won his the golden buzzer. But you know, my paranoia, anxiety, fear, I did not wave it out in the open. I kept it folded. He was only singing a few songs so I put my phone down and I enjoyed of the rest of his performance. It was magical. The audience responded to him, even though his style is way different than Echosmith or Pentatonix whom played after him.
So after his performance, I followed instructions and waited at a post until his manager came to get the group. I was super nervous and couldn't keep from shaking. Then, there he was, standing right in front of us, waving hello, opening his arms for cuddles, as he had mentioned in his Instagram stories. I told him about my failed attempt with the sign, he loved it and asked his manager to take a picture with his phone!!! He was amazing. He also signed the notebook that I bought off his website. And of course, we go our signed poster of the tour. And more hugs. Manager and Calum were very accessible and great sports.

I recommend his album ONLY HUMAN for you to look it up and listen to it through and through. Ballads about heartbreak, but more than anything, about love. One fact about his songs, there are no pronouns so anyone can sing and relate to them. Of course, except those songs that talk about friendship and his parents. This is something that I find unique because as of right now, Calum and Shawn Mendez are the only ones doing this. It eases my soul to know there are people out there like them two.

With this being said, remember to [...Relax. Take it Easy.]


Friday, August 31, 2018

Life's what YOU make it.


"You can test the water, you might as well jump in;
We all know where we’ll end up, might as well begin.

Memories you're making, frame inside in your heart;
In the middle of a nowhere is a somewhere you can start."

                      -Graham Colton-




Let's live in the present. I used to live in the future by living off only what my calendar had for me to do,and the clock in my car always fifteen minutes ahead so I would be on time to wherever I need to be at. That's not healthy. I live always anxious and guilty that (once again) i was running late. Now, i'm still anxious because anxiety is part of me, the only difference is, whatever is in my calendar is not longer a TO-DO item, it's become part of my time management. A part of me. And all the clocks match real time!
Y'all know, or should know if you are just getting to know me, that I love listening to podcasts, and I've been listening to Kevin Kruse and I have been following his advise on time blocking. I don't call it 'schedule'. I just add something to achieve, taking ownership, and pride to accomplish. i know, if you're like me with anxiety and depression tendencies, it's hard to push yourself to do extrovert shit, but YOU MUST!We have several people in the screens fighting for several reasons: Dan Reynolds, Leo DiCaprio, Anne Hathaway, Lady Gaga, Cher, Brendon Urie, Will & Grace cast, The Fosters cast, America Ferrera, Jennifer Lopez, etc. So you have to fight for yourself day by day. It's hard, I know, but if you live one day at the time, the present is yours to take. Breathe.

Also, stop living bucket lists and start doing! Do you need money to do that thing you've been wanting to do? Then keep working harder and meet that 'Time Block' you have coming up. Remember, YOLO.

Story behind the picture above: a few friends and I went to an Escape Room. We did something like Area 51. it was fun, I felt like an idiot, not being able to add any input, but the purpose was to get out there and put myself through it. Expose myself. Besides, this group is pretty chill and I enjoy their company. We ended up having dinner afterwards and talking for HOURS! even though they just had met. Yes, I have friends of all places and I love when they meet each other and we are able to have fun like this. When situations like this happen, it was worth every minute that i dreaded leaving my house to meet them. Think about the people that love you! They want to see you happy. Stay positive.


[...Relax. Take it Easy.]

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Oops! I Did it Again...

Back in April I said I was going to be more consistent with this Blogging crap, but I pulled a Britney! My bad, y'all. Not that anyone is keeping tabs or concerned as to why I haven't posted. Actually, I care! I do care. It's a matter of keeping myself honest and accountable to continue doing what I say I will do. If I don't maintain a level of liability, no one else will. I tend to excuse myself and move along, pretend everything is OK, and damage myself in the end. That's how I ended up in credit card debt. IT MUST STOP.

So I am going to start following through for sure. For real this time lol

Maniac Monday: Catching up at work. Prepping for another week.
Typing Tuesday: Blogging/Vlogging.
Writing Wednesdays: 500 words a day. 
TimeOff Thursdays: Day to hang out w friends.
Financial Fridays: Check on bank accounts/bills.
Study Saturday: Pick a topic to learn.
Sunday Funday: Free day for anything.

So there's the days of my week to follow from now on.
I need to get my shit together once and for all. Join me on this journey and let's see what adventures I get into while trying to adult. I cannot be the only one that's this far behind in Life, right? Not that I wish it upon anyone else, but some company wouldn't hurt. Okay, some sympathy/empathy.
Now, I am taking on a new job position as a Front Desk Lead at another clinic which means I have to say goodbye to the friends I've made since 2014 at the Old Market and the new ones I've met at the University Campus. Bittersweet decision. This being said, of course I gotta shape up. I can't let down those that support me, the one that recommended me, and simply I gotta step up my game. I know I am ready, I know I can do it, and I know I will succeed. I just have to stay grinding. One day after another. And remember to breathe.

[...Relax. Take it Easy. ]



The Old Market Crew

Friday, April 20, 2018

Hiatus is OVER.


Hey Omaha!
Thank you for the patience and understanding as to why I have been away these past four months.

I tried summarizing my depression into one sappy paragraph. I attached a picture of my favorite modern poet, and I hit DELETE after contemplating the degree of personal and hurtful words in it. In a world full of terrible things, I want to spread positive content. Now, I am fully aware of my struggle, and I am slowly opening up about it; you all that visit this blog have read hard pieces that I have taken down since. I validate those feelings that I put into words,
but I gotta keep moving forward. That's what we're all here for. 


Halloween 2017


Last year was rough. Y'all know I live for Halloween. I love playing dress up; it's an outlet to be someone else but me. I know, pathetic! But whatever. Not the point. As I was saying, last year was a roller coaster of emotions. Looking back, those experiences have become prime examples of what I need to either learn from or let go of.  
I pushed myself to go with the flow. Express emotions on cue. Lay low and hype up accordingly. Halloween stands out because I was able to literally hide behind a mask, after doing it for so long only figuratively. Living through Billy The Puppet, Halloween was a success. I made it through the night in one piece and it was memorable. My husband even highlighted the fact that hadn't been for the mask, I would not have been acting the clown I was. That's who I really am, outgoing, eccentric, daring, uncensored. And it sucks that anxiety and depression get a hold of that real me, chain him up, and keep him locked up. Afraid. Expecting ridicule. Always on the lookout for the worst to happen.


[ TODAY I SAY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ]

I refuse to take what my mind shoves down my throat. 
I am not going to take it anymore. 
I will dig my nails if I must to make my legs move forward.
There is so much to live for! 
So much to do. Many books to read. Hours of music to dance to.
A plethora of memories to make with the people I love.

                       




[...Relax. Take it Easy.]

Sunday, January 8, 2017

No Ragrets

     ...I guess one of my 'ragrets' (as of right now) is not knowing how to explain this blog. Somewhere I read that as a blogger I should be able to sell my content in one or two sentences. I meant to come up with a quick description, or even a dang catch phrase! --But nothing. Just last week I was asked what my short story was about and I wasn't able to respond.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Just Breathe...


Speaking to my psychologist, I realized (or maybe overthink, as always) that I don't know my spouse as well as he knows me. This feeling was not a good feeling. Then, speaking to Autumn, a coworker, I found out that all I need to do is LISTEN. I guess I complain too much which makes me blind to what my spouse (or anyone around me) might be saying.

Friday, January 6, 2017

You and I are living in Parallel Realities...

...The past, the present, and the future: which one do you live in?



I have come to realize, or I have finally accepted, that my mind is always floating around the future -- what I want to become, how I want to be remembered, the things I want for my family-- which is healthy in a way. Envision is a powerful thing. However, we gotta stay grounded in the present and do something NOW to achieve those goals. But I skip that part...

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Voice Within

A FEW WEEKS AGO I WAS IN A BLACK HOLE.
I KNOW, "WHAT'S NEW!?"
JUST ME BEING OVER-DRAMATIC.
I HAD A FEW MINUTES ON MY OWN AND I FOUND MYSELF WRITING THIS EMBARRASSING NOTE YOU'LL READ DOWN BELOW.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Pocketful of Sunshine.

     

     Hey Omaha! I know, I am an awful blogger being away for so long! Honestly, I have been having a hard time fighting off my so-called "ugly days". Every day has been an anxious race from home to work and viceversa. I cannot wait to finish my eight hour shifts to drive off and hide under the covers in my couch. But I continue to push myself out of bed. I am not going to let the voices in my head win. I got this.

With that being said......

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Chronicles of a Dreamer: Fatima.

The Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals is a policy created by latest President Obama back in 2012 to help certain undocumented young people brought to the country as children. This policy brought hope for (especially) millions of students across the country trying to go to college. A DACA recipient does not get legal status, but it does allow them to get a Social Security Number and a work permit which they have to pay for and renew every so often.